Longing to Belong
by Terond76
Summary: Ipod Shuffle Challenge. 10 songs. What if Shilo can't let go of 'Him' and Graverobber can't accept that? Dark fic. Hard M for incest, substance abuse, sexual references, language, and explicit content.


**Longing to Belong**

**Summary: **Drabbles of Grilo  
**Rating:** Hard M, mentions of incest, language, sexual references, and explicit content  
**Pairing: **Graverobber and Shilo/hints at Graverobber and Amber/heavily hinted Nathan and Shilo (I do not condone incest in anyway, I just like screwing around with Shathan; no pun intended)

**Shuffle Challenge Rules: **  
**1.** Pick a fandom/couple/crossover you like.  
**2.**Turn on your music player and put it on random (aka: shuffle).  
**3.**Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it ends.  
**4.** No lingering afterwards. No cheating.  
**5.** Do 10 of these and post them.

_Author's Note-I felt like challenging myself with this. So have fun reading my drabbles. I took it upon myself for Shilo to be the jacked up one in the relationship with the vice problem, past relationship, and other goodies that make relationships a problem. I will admit I cheated a little with the stopping at the end of the song. . . :)_

_~T_

_P.S. I stole the title of this story from Eddie Vedder's Ukulele Songs._

* * *

**Succubus - Five Finger Death Punch**

She was like a ghost always haunting his mind. She would invade during the worst times too. Here he was right now hiding in the corner of an alley as a scalpel slut gave unneeded attention to his member. He sighed tiredly as he looked down at the yellow haired bimbo below him. He watched as her hair deftly turned to raven curls and her tanned skin soon became translucent. She looked sickly . . . she seemed like she was _sick_. The girl kept working over him as he quirked an eyebrow down at her. Did he have too much to drink?

Soon brown doe eyes replaced glass hazel ones and the sweet eyes glanced up at him flirtatiously.

"Help me, Graverobber." The voice of Shilo Wallace said to him. He gasped as he wretched away from the girl, and took off down the alley dropping a vial for the girl's easy work. He had to cure this sickness . . . he had to exorcise this succubus.

* * *

**Welcome to the Family - Avenged Sevenfold**

The house hadn't changed. It possibly was even cleaner than when he had broken in, but he was invited in this time after going on a mad hunt for Shilo. The kid had invited him in after he 'saved' her tail in the alley near her place of work. He had learned that she had taken to working in the morgue in the GeneCo building. The CEO of GeneCo, Amber Sweet, had offered a full scholarship for Shilo and a guaranteed job if she kept her mouth shut and didn't try to take the company. Graverobber plopped down on the couch as a beer was passed into his hand.

"How'd you come across this?"

"I have ways."

Graverobber took a sip himself, and hummed in approval. It tasted strong . . . like it had been brewing for a long time-or had just been brewed.

"Do you brew your own beer, kid?" Graverobber questioned. Shilo took a girly sip from her bottle as she flipped open her textbook and a notebook full of words Graverobber couldn't really read.

"My Dad did . . . it was sort of a family hobby I guess. I found his books on how to do it, and followed the family tradition."

"You'll have to teach me." Graverobber laughed as he took another hearty sip of the brew. Shilo strutted over to the bookshelf, and snatched a particular book off the shelf. She walked back over to him and dumped the book on his lap.

"Welcome to the family, fellow brewer-Graverobber."

* * *

**The Game - Disturbed**

Graverobber stammered as he opened the book. He didn't know how to tell Shilo his one flaw in life. Something he wished he would have learned so he didn't sound stupid in front of the kid. He opened the book, and looked at the jumbled words. He could kind of read, but everything sort of mixed together. N's and M's got switched along with other letters of the alphabet. He couldn't even perform the soberity test sober.

"Did you read about our secret ingrediant?" Shilo questioned as she read her own book.

"Uh . . . uh." Graverobber stuttered.

"What?" Shilo responded as she gulped loudly.

"I can't . . . ugh . . . I can't read very well." Graverobber admitted. Shilo stared blankly for a moment trying to process what she heard, but she didn't fully understand.

"What?"

"When I read the words get all mixed up. My mother always made me read out loud if I messed up a word she'd beat me." Graverobber whispered as he closed the book, and set it on the table. He rubbed his wrists awkwardly as he gave the book a death stare.

"I could teach you-"

"No. I don't need to read any way."

"It's a good skill, Graverobber . . . wouldn't you like to leave this business? Maybe get a job that you'd find interesting."

"I do find my job interesting."

"I know what you have." Shilo stated.

"What?"

"Fear of change besides your obvious dyslexia." She grinned before picking up the book and placing it back in its spot.

* * *

**Skillet - The Last Night**

He didn't know what to do when he found her. She was passed out on the floor with a fucking needle in her arm. His needle. He had come to walk her home from work, but her she was drugged out. He wondered if someone else had did this to her, but when he lifted her arm and saw the other track marks he knew that she causing her own demise. He splashed cold water against her face, and she spluttered awake. Her doe eyes searched around the room as he petted the self inflicted scars on her wrist.

"Where am I?" She whispered.

"You're at work." He answered as he smiled up at her.

"Sorry, I was working late." She lied as she tried standing up from the chair, but she soon grew very dizzy.

"Woah, there cowboy." He laughed as he settled her back down, and crouched before her. He sighed as he grew tired of beating around the bush.

"I know you've been taking some of my stash."

"You don't understand." She spat back quickly.

"I do."

"No you don't! You didn't lose a parent in cold blood! You didn't have to spend nights alone crying yourself asleep! You don't put this drug in your system so you can imagine he's still here . . ." Shilo screamed back. Graverobber stood, and grasped her shoulders harshly and squeezed.

"You don't know me at all, kid. I'd stop insinuating what you do _know." _Graverobber seethed as he forced her finger to trace long forgotten scars around his wrists. She gasped as she glanced up at him with tears in her eyes.

"He told me it was a phase . . . I would get over it. He showed me how to care. He _stopped _me from doing this to myself."

"No one gets over it, kid. This is just the beginning, but you don't have to face it alone. I promise I'll be there."

* * *

**Before I Forget - Slipknot**

Mother had always been tough on him. It had started on Thanksgiving when she told him he wasn't a man. That he wasn't worth her doting love. That she felt claustrophobic at the sight of him. He had cried, and then she had beat him for crying. It wasn't manly like. It would always remember before he forgot what his mother was like. She was a creature . . . a loathsome one at that. He had mixed the words dog and bog again. Those two were always his enemies. He had to just open his big mouth. He wailed as the ruler smacked down on his knuckles viciously.

Graverobber lurched up in bed, and rubbed his knuckles softly trying to rid his mother from his nightmare. He breathed heavily and coughed after a few breaths. Shilo slumbered quietly beside him, and was curled in a tight ball on her side of the bed. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he settled back into bed. He noticed Shilo begin to shake violently and whimper. He scooted his body closer, and wrapped his warm arms around her middle, and pulled her squarely against his chest. She sighed deeply as she hummed in pleasure.

"Daddy . . . come closer . . . lie with me. _Be _with me." Shilo whispered in her slumber. Graverobber wished he could forget _those _few sentences, but it was something he would never be able to ignore nor forget.

* * *

**God Forbid - Ghost Machine**

Shilo woke up the next morning wrapped in Graverobber's arms, and she felt like she was betraying a higher power as his thumb caressed her stomach. He opened his eyes once he felt her move, and she went to sit up. Once she was resting against the headboard he went to balance his weight on his elbow. He let a confident hand go out and touch her thigh. She sucked in a strangled breath, and placed a hand on his.

"I wouldn't do that."

"Why?"

"I can't compromise his memory like that."

"Who's?"

"My Dad's . . . Nathan's."

"Shilo, what did he do to you?"

"Nothing that I didn't want." Shilo retorted slowly.

"Kid, I don't want you to walk in my shoes of depression. You have to let it out." Graverobber explained as he sat up.

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine in your sleep."

"It's nothing to be concerned about." She sniffled as she looked away. He grabbed her forcefully, and pushed her face into his chest as she finally let it out. She finally _sobbed. _

"God forbid you should have to see things my way." Graverobber whispered as her tiny fingers dug into his bare chest.

"I'm lost here without you, I'm so lost here without you." She cried to herself about her deceased father and lover. Graverobber wished those crying words were about him, but she clutched tighter as she thought about her father and not him.

* * *

**Miss Impossible - Poets of the Fall**

He usually didn't like taking her out into the world, but she had begged him to take her to a club. She had never been to one, and they had always fascinated her. The pounding music pumped the adrenaline through her body and made her libido impossibly bigger. She rolled her hips against the Graverobber as her drink sloshed dangerously at the sides. He was just glad it wasn't some random guy. He could trust himself with her.

_As she is beautiful, she's unpredictable. Damned irresistible, is it plausible to hate her? She is my common sense, revels on decadence, but what's the difference, it's impossible to bait her._

He agreed to take her home after she had about half the bar's alcohol in her system. When he got home he put her down for bed and retreated to his side of the bed. Once on his back soon a very light weight Shilo was straddling his hips with her lithe body and running her hands down his scarred chest.

"I love you." She slurred as she kissed down his chest. He patted her short hair as she traveled down and he let a groan escape him. He could keep tricking himself into thinking that she had forgotten about _him _and that she was saying I love you to himself. He could dream for now.

_In flimsy nightgowns, barefoot she dances in the rain. Sundown to sundown, like she was washing 'way her pain._

* * *

**Facade - Disturbed**

She was playing this game again. She was faking it this time as he worked above her. She was faking the relationship he wished that was tangible. He could see his name on the tip of her tongue as he roughly thrust against her. She moaned out as she clawed his shoulders. He leaned his head down, and licked the shell of her ear as he groaned her name into his ear.

"Don't talk." She gritted out as he swiftly lifted her leg to rest on his shoulder. He yelped as she scratched down the planes of his stomach. He soon found his release after she called out a mixture of Clarence and Nathan. He had whispered his real name regretfully into her ear one night hoping she would moan out his name. It was futile. He growled as he rolled off her and landed on his back sadly. He watched her go for another beer and watched the drink slowly trail down her chin as she sighed in satisfaction. He reached over and snatched the beer from her hand chugged the rest of it.

"Hey!"

"Little girls shouldn't be drinking alcohol." He replied.

"What's got you in such a grumpy mood?"

"Nothing." He could hear her fidgeting with the foil wrapped from the condom he had trashed a few seconds ago. She glanced at him with sad eyes as she sighed.

"I know what I did." She responded.

"You say this every time, and then you say 'oh I won't do it again, baby'. Psh, yeah right." Graverobber grumbled as he tossed the beer bottle in the pile with the others.

"I've heard you call out Amber's name."

"That has never happened and you know that!" Graverobber retorted angrily as he wagged a finger at her. He stood up aburptly as he ripped the sheet away from her. "I'm not going to keep up with your charade any longer, Shilo! Why can't you just forget him?"

"The harder I try longer it takes because I realize I'm _trying _to forget him."

"I can't help you with that unless you forget him. You can remember him in good light."

"But every memory is a good one."

"The opera isn't." Graverobber commented. Shilo's face dropped, and she growled angrily.

"Get out."

"Shi-"

"Dad, just leave!" She called out, and immediately slapped her hand over her mouth. Graverobber glided over to her, and encased her in a strong hug.

"I love both of you, but I can't let him go. Why must I want something I can't have?"

He wondered that himself too . . . why did he have to want something he couldn't have?

* * *

**Walk Away - Five Finger Death Punch**

He packed his bag languidly and melancholy. He knew this was effortless now. He knew there was no where else he wanted to go except her warm embrace. He loved her, but she could never love him only her darling Nathan. He wiped a salty tear as he pulled out his python pistol and laid it on the bed. He made sure to polish every bullet. A dirty bullet wasn't what she deserved. Shilo deserved the best despite her wanting attitude and her never being satisfied He picked up his note one last time to proof read it before fleeing.

_I'm so sorry, but I never cared at all. If you want to be with him, be with him. _

_Signed, Graverobber_

He knew his words weren't true. He loathed to admit that they were, but he wanted her to feel guilty. He wanted to feel like the victim. He had to just walk away, pretend that none of this was, none of this was real.

* * *

**Poor Robyn - James Marsters**

It had been months since he left the house. He tried not to think of poor little Shilo Wallace lover of Nathan Wallace. He scoffed angrily to himself as he stood in front of her bedroom door. He once shared that bedroom with her . . . He didn't want to enter, fearing the worse. He hoped he'd find the note crumpled and more textbooks littering the desk. He was dead wrong however. Her body was laid out like a sacrifice on the floor with the gun not to far from her hand. Her brains splattering against the wall like an Pollack painting. He placed his handkerchief against his nose to stop the horrid smell from reaching his nostrils as he set the needle up, and extracted the only thing left of Shilo Wallace.

He rested against the wall next to her shattered skull and laced the vial with arsenic he had trade the rest of his stock for. He slowly let the needle inject itself into his vein and he sighed in content as _she _filled his veins. He had something Nathan Wallace didn't. He had her inside him, and he could die with that 'pleasant' thought.

* * *

_Author's Note - Well that ended up darker than I intended to be. R&R if you liked it and if you want another with a different perspective or pairing! I'm open to different pairings . . . . depending on the pairing._

_~T_

_P.S. I do not own anything Repo! related._


End file.
